Sunday, September 25, 2005

Debugging your baby

The first thing you should do when debugging any new device, is to check the owners manual. Unforunately, most babies don't come with owners manuals...that's just the way the industry is right now. Frankly, I'd be worried if your baby did come with an owners manual.

OK, we tried the owners manual, and that failed. Once you have any kind of experience with this device, like any device, a guy develops a short list of things to try before getting into the real grunt work. For a baby the list consists of:
1) Swaddling - he's an infant, he doesn't need to move around. In fact, he will sleep better if he doesn't.
2) Holding - some babies prefer to be held a certain way.
3) Noise - white noise specifically. You can substitute classical music if you must. But, only classical, right Owen?
4) Jiggling - not shaking. There is a difference. A good example is the amount of play a babies head has when you walk around with him.
5) Suckling - for some reason having something in his mouth is really soothing.
These are the baby equivalent to rebooting. Or, using the car analogy, this is equivalent to popping open the hood, checking the fluids, and making sure the lug nuts are properly secured. Don't ask me why they work, they just work (sometimes).

It's when these solutions break down that we must look to the hardcore methodologies involved in infant care. The approximations we made before worked to our previous level of accuracy, but now we must take a deeper look at the problem and develop ways to incorporate it's solution into our daily lives. This is where the magic happens. Where boys become men, and the weak show their true colors. In short, we must resort to trial and error. Yes. It doesn't matter what you try as long as you are trying something. Statistically, he's bound to stop crying at some point. When he does stop crying be sure and remember what it specifically was that made him stop, because I promise it won't work next time.

P.S. It's been noted that most of the pictures of Kyle are of him sleeping. No, he doesn't sleep 24/7 (although, we wish he did). It's just easier to take pictures of him at that point. I'll work on presenting pictures that are more representative of the state of Kyle.


Blogger Owen said...

I like the statistics argument, Kevin. I definitely laughed out loud, as it were.

You should put up the picture of Kyle screaming, or the one that looks as if he's about to shoot death rays out of his eyes. I like that one :)

10:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"the real grunt work"

What is that, exactly?? :-)

And, your writing is excellent, Kev. You should consider writing a book or something substantial. (Not just the big one you'll have to do at school.)

7:13 AM  

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